After a few dates you would like to ‘go a step further’. If you look a bit like Bridget Jones, it means that you take the trouble to depilate your legs and choose between sexy lingerie or a bomma underpants. All exciting, until it turns out that your flame does not break pots in bed.
Some psychologists and relationship therapists tell you how to avoid such disappointment.
Do: He is attentive and listens attentively
You have givers and employees, says body language expert Jo Emerson. “Is your flame someone who is genuinely interested in you? Someone who wants to know what you think and is curious about what makes you happy? Then there is a good chance that you are dealing with a giver,” she says.
Her reasoning: “A man who makes your priority numero uno, will probably overload you with a lot of attention.” To know whether his intentions are genuinely sincere, you also need to consider how he behaves towards others. Is he equally attentive to his family, friends and even that one waiter at a restaurant?
Do not: He is fast on his toes
There are those macho men who feel themselves in their masculinity if you want to pay the bill. Admittedly: a good portion of masculinity is pretty sexy. But if he becomes moody or even angry when you take control, it is a completely different story.
Relationship therapist, Clarissa Bloom proposes to ask yourself the following questions: does he behave very masculine and proud? Or is he also quite romantic and respectful towards you? “If the latter is not applicable, you can assume that he is quite selfish in bed”, she concludes.
Do: He is sporty and emotional
It is rather weird that a sports enthusiast can also perform longer between the sheets. But according to psychologist and relationship expert Claire Scott, a six pack does not tell everything. “Men who also dare to talk about their feelings intuitively feel better about what you like,” she explains. “In addition, there is a better flow and click between you two.”
Do not: He is vain
A decent portion of self-confidence is perfect, but he should not behave like a show pony. “Does your date talk mainly about himself, his skills and successes? Then there must be alarm bells”, responds Kenny Mammarella-D’Cruz, a coach who is sometimes called The Man Whisperer (or the male whisperer).
Relationship expert Kate Mansfield goes one step further. “Men who are not self-confident are often better at bed. Between the sheets they sometimes dare to come loose. And because they want to prove themselves, the chances are that they will behave lazily and selfishly.”
Do: He does not get angry easily
His mood and communication skills can also reveal a lot. At least that is what psychologist Becky Spelman claims. “It is important that a man not only likes to talk, but also listens”, she says. After all, there is a big difference between a monologue or a conversation.
“Can he only have heated discussions about matters such as politics? That is not a good sign. If, on the other hand, he laughs with your jokes and quietly chats about serious matters, the chances are that he is empathetic and takes account of your thinking.” However, Spelman also considers two important aspects of a successful feast.
Do not: He is wearing sunglasses on his dating profile
Anno 2019 chances are you have got to know your new love through Tinder or another dating app. The disadvantage of such a virtual encounter? You are not sure if your match is looking for an ideal life companion, or simply a one-off hot night.
According to Bloom, there are some signals that you can look out for. Namely: is his profile open or is he anonymous? Does he wear sunglasses, for example, or are there many photos of his (possibly impressive) torso on his profile? Then chances are they are not looking for something serious.
“And what if they sent a message? Check if it is personal and if there is a reference to your profile. If they have taken the trouble to read your bio, it is more likely that you are not one of their many conquests,” explains Bloom.
Do not: He interrupts you constantly
Is he interrupting you occasionally? That can of course be on the nerves. But if he continues to do it after the first, second or third date, something else may be going on. That’s what relationship expert Megwyn White says. “Maybe he is an impatient type, maybe he is someone who wants to see everything from his own perspective. Whatever the case, chances are that such a person will only pay attention to himself.”