A recent study has shown that couples who are constructively fighting over their differences, instead of avoiding them, are better because of this.
The research, according to The Guardian, shows, couples who argue effectively are 10 times more likely to have a happy relationship than those who sweep the tough questions under the rug, according to a survey of nearly 1,000 adults.
“But the biggest mistake couples make is avoidance,” he said.
“We feel something but do not say anything. At least until we cannot stand it anymore. We are therefore waiting to be sure to discuss it before tackling it. We tend to avoid these conversations because we are aware of the risks of speaking, but unaware of the risks of not speaking,” he said.
“We tend to weigh the immediate and obvious risks without considering the long-term costs of privacy, trust and connection,” says Joseph Grenny, co-author of the New York Times bestseller.
This seems to have played a role in disintegrating the previous relationships of the people involved in the study.
More than four in five said poor communication was one of the reasons for a previous breakup. Half of them said it was an “important” reason for separation.
“The biggest unconscious mistake couples make is not to take emotional responsibility for their feelings,” said Grenny.
“We think of others” make us feel “as we are, and do not see our role in our own emotions. Therefore, when we discuss our concerns with our beloved, we are so often filled with blame and provoke defensiveness.”
“The success of a relationship is determined by how sensitive issues are debated,” he said.
“True love takes work. True intimacy does not only concern love, but also the truth. And crucial conversations are the vehicle for bringing out the truth in a way that speeds up a sense of intimacy, trust and connection.”