Finally the truth that not only men seek for pleasure, but also women and why women cheat has been revealed. When it comes to skating, men are often pointed with the finger. Yet it appears that women also become more in the game of cheating. But why do so many women have an affair? I plucked it out for you.
For her book ‘The Secret Life of the Cheating Wife: Power, Pragmatism and Pleasure in Women’s Infidelity’, sociologist Alicia Walker spoke to 46 women who were strangers. They all had a profile on Ashley Madison, a website for people who are looking for an affair.
From her conversations she concluded that women who were sitting on the site were looking for pleasure rather than an emotional bond. “The women I spoke to deceive their man mostly for the same reason: orgasms,” says Walker. “They were not looking for a new husband, just for sexual pleasure.”
Walker also discovered that the women who had a profile on the website doubted the concept of monogamy. “We see the marriage as an achievement,” she explains. “It must meet all our needs. The man should be a good lover, a great father, a good husband and a best friend. These are quite a lot of expectations to ask a person, and these women realize that too. They know that not a person can meet all their needs, so they look for certain things like sex in someone else.”
“I’ve really come to believe that a person cannot do everything for you and it’s unfair to expect that,” one of the women says. “’As long as you love each other, you will succeed’, you think. But that’s not right. A marriage continues to work hard, even if you love each other, and it is simply impossible to find everything with a single person.”
“Long and happy” is a myth
If you can believe the romantic films and novels, love can indeed conquer everything. Yet the concept of life-long monogamy is, according to many, obsolete. “Lifetime monogamy is not in line with the primary needs of humans. Especially for heterosexual women, it is, from a biological point of view, very understandable that they are looking for the best genes to get children,” says researcher David Bust to The Sunday Times.
But the fact that women go looking for another man purely for pleasure or for biological reasons is a short turn. After all, research shows that there are many reasons why women cheat. A study by anthropologist Helen Fisher shows that women, not entirely surprising, have a particular affair if they are not satisfied with their overall relationship, so they look for someone else in their relationship.
Why women cheat
Often, they go strange for the following reasons:
- But the fact that women go looking for another man purely for pleasure or for biological reasons is a short turn. After all, research shows that there are many reasons why women cheat. A study by anthropologist Helen Fisher shows that women, not entirely surprising, have a particular affair if they are not satisfied with their overall relationship, so they look for someone else in their relationship. Often, they go strange for the following reasons:
- They feel undervalued, neglected or ignored. They feel more like a housekeeper, babysitter or financial service provider than as a woman or girlfriend. That is why they are looking for someone who values them for who they are, not for what they do in the household, for example.
- They long for intimacy. Women feel more appreciated and connected to someone else by talking to someone and having fun together than through sex. If they do not have that emotional connection with their partner, they look for it elsewhere.
- They are overwhelmed by the expectations of others. Recent research shows that women who can still cheat despite the fact that they love their husbands and their lives. These women often describe that they do not feel valued because they have to be available at all times. They then search for extramarital sex to feel appreciated.
- They feel lonely. Women can feel lonely in their relationship for many reasons. Maybe their partner works long hours or needs to travel a lot for business, or perhaps he is emotionally unavailable. Whatever the cause, many of those women go looking for someone else to fill that void.